September 24, 2008 by Jeremy.

I really wish I were kidding!

Here’s the letter they sent:

September 23, 2008

Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, Cofounders

Ben & Jerry’s Homemade Inc.

Dear Mr. Cohen and Mr. Greenfield,

On behalf of PETA and our more than 2 million members and supporters, I’d like to bring your attention to an innovative new idea from Switzerland that would bring a unique twist to Ben and Jerry’s.

Storchen restaurant is set to unveil a menu that includes soups, stews, and sauces made with at least 75 percent breast milk procured from human donors who are paid in exchange for their milk. If Ben and Jerry’s replaced the cow’s milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers-and cows-would reap the benefits.

Using cow’s milk for your ice cream is a hazard to your customer’s health. Dairy products have been linked to juvenile diabetes, allergies, constipation, obesity, and prostate and ovarian cancer. The late Dr. Benjamin Spock, America’s leading authority on child care, spoke out against feeding cow’s milk to children, saying it may play a role in anemia, allergies, and juvenile diabetes and in the long term, will set kids up for obesity and heart disease-America’s number one cause of death.

Animals will also benefit from the switch to breast milk. Like all mammals, cows only produce milk during and after pregnancy, so to be able to constantly milk them, cows are forcefully impregnated every nine months. After several years of living in filthy conditions and being forced to produce 10 times more milk than they would naturally, their exhausted bodies are turned into hamburgers or ground up for soup.

And of course, the veal industry could not survive without the dairy industry. Because male calves can’t produce milk, dairy farmers take them from their mothers immediately after birth and sell them to veal farms, where they endure 14 to17 weeks of torment chained inside a crate so small that they can’t even turn around.

The breast is best! Won’t you give cows and their babies a break and our health a boost by switching from cow’s milk to breast milk in Ben and Jerry’s ice cream?Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Tracy ReimanExecutive Vice President

Here’s a news video on the issue!

And for PETA’s amazing lack of Common Sense here they are totally deserving if an Illogical Thought Award! Congratulations PETA!

Posted in CT Awards, Jeremy, Coherent Thoughts, Current Events | Print | 3 Comments »

August 12, 2008 by Jeremy.

Man Almost Loses Penis Humping Steel Bench

Last night in Hong Kong, the police received a disturbing call from a man in trouble.

Xing, a 41 year-old man, was calling from LanTian park in the middle of the night. The lonely and disturbed man had apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park.

The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Xing used to attempt to satisfy himself. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole.

I just want to know at what point in the thought process does this suddenly become a good idea!

So for his genius of an idea, Xing get to be the recipient of an Illogical Thought Award! Congratulations to him!

Posted in CT Awards, Jeremy, Other, Coherent Thoughts | Print | 1 Comment »

April 14, 2008 by Jeremy.

At least that’s what Alicia Keys believes now. And for her completely moronic theory she gets to be our new Illogical Thought Award winner!

She actually believes that the government and the media fueled the “gangsta rap” coastal wars. This has to be one of most illogical theories I have ever heard.

It makes me glad I’ve never bought any of her albums and assures that I never will.

Let’s hear it for the lack of common sense once again! Congratulations on the award Alicia!

Posted in CT Awards, Entertainment, Jeremy, Coherent Thoughts | Print | 5 Comments »

December 3, 2007 by Jeremy.

I hope the title gets the point of the article acrsoss.

$PERM WAIL BY DONOR

I’m trying hard to really look at this through a lens of common sense, but I’m having a hard time coming to what I believe to be the best common sense conclusion. I may need to call in some tag-team buddies from the other contributors to the site and see what they think. I’ll do my best right now though and hopefully they’ll respond with a comment.

From the common sense perspective regarding the whole issue I’m actually going to agree with the judge on this one even though that is just so amazingly absurd. The sperm donor is the biological father and only had a verbal agreement to no fatherly duties yet for part of the boy’s life he acted like a distant father.

Now let me break it down a little more. The donor/father/moron gave up common sense when he decided to donate his sperm (as a married man) to a lesbian couple that he was friends with at his workplace. The women are also being rather absurd in seeking support at this time. I figure the kid must be going to some expensive college and they want “daddy donor” to pay the bill.

All parties involved in this entire story have absolutely no common sense therefore I will be awarding the mother as identified in court papers as P.D., the alleged father who is identified as S.K., and the anonymous lesbian with the Illogical Thought Award as awarded by our site Coherent Thought. They deserve it!

Posted in CT Awards, Jeremy, Other, Coherent Thoughts | Print | 5 Comments »

April 23, 2007 by Jeremy.

Sheryl Crow in a genius moment has come up with a way that we, as Americans, can fix the Global Warming by limiting their usage of toilet paper in the bathroom.

Saving the Earth: The Biodiesel Bus Blog

I really wish I was making this up, but she is truly serious. She is so serious that she has unwittingly inspired me to start a new campaign. I am going to start granting awards to the brightest minds of our current generation. She is now the first winner of the Illogical Thought Award (Actual Award Image Coming Soon) Her idea is so far outside the realm of common sense that she truly deserves this award. I hope that she will accept it with pride!

Here is her actual statement:

Crow (4/19, Springfield, Tenn.):
I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy
ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming.
Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are,
in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of
forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a
limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in
any one sitting. Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of
his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough
people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom
visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could
be required.

At least she does allow for the occasional use of more than one piece for the most extreme cases. The problem is she keeps going, she now has another genius idea. I actually hope this one pans out so that, when I have kids, I won’t have to convince them not to wipe their mouth with their sleeve!

Here’s her idea once again:

Crow (4/19): I also like the idea of not using paper napkins,
which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of
wastefulness. I have designed a clothing line that has what’s called a
“dining sleeve.” The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with
another “dining sleeve,” after usage. The design will offer the “diner”
the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing
out yet another barely used paper product. I think this idea could also
translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.

After research on the idea of the one piece of toilet paper, I think that THIS MAN has it all figured out!

Cheryl Crow should be very thankful that she has a singing career because I’m not sure she could do much else…

Posted in CT Awards, Global Warming, Jeremy, Coherent Thoughts, Current Events | Print | 5 Comments »